BDSM VS Abuse!
Many times I have been approached by people who are misinformed about abuse and BDSM. The common misconseption I have heard is All BDSM is abuse and this is simply not true.
A BDSM relationship, especially one with sadomasochistic moments, is subject to questions all the time about its proximity to abuse. It is not uncommon to have people unfamiliar with BDSM to say that what someone does is abuse and violence. We see it all the time portrayed incorrectly in the media from whips and chains to the more brutal beating of your partner, sexual assault and beyond.
The core of BDSM is consent. No one will disagree with this, but consent goes far beyond just saying I agree.
Consent can still be considered abuse although to the public eye it wouldn't be and you always run that risk. For example if you are play with someone and they go into there head sometimes known as subspace and you renegotiate for something they didn't want it can be considered abuse.
We are all aware, hopefully, that abuse is not consensual or of informed consent.
There are many forms of abuse from physical to mental abuse. From striking someone unwanted to psychological such as name calling.
Psychological abuse is here and yet few understand the psychological abuse definition enough to spot it. Without the visible signs, psychological abuse can stay hidden for years.
Psychological abuse, though, can be just as devastating as physical abuse. Psychological abuse can affect your inner thoughts and feelings as well as exert control over your life. You may feel uncertain of the world around you and unsafe in your own home. Psychological abuse can destroy intimate relationships, friendships and even your own relationship with yourself.
Psychological abuse signs and symptoms may start small at first as the abuser "tests the waters" to see what the other person will accept, but before long the psychological abuse builds into something that can be frightening and threatening.
Physical abuse is much more common. Physical abuse happens when a person uses physical force against another person unwanted and against their agreement. Physical abuse can start slowly and inconspicuously, for example with throwing an object or a slap, and get more intense or worse over time that could lead to death in
In BDSM there is a fine line between actual BDSM and abuse If you feel that what is going on is 'not right' then you certainly should investigate if it is abuse or not
Here are a few signs of abuse
Abuser may coerce or force a victim into agreements without their full informed consent, especially long-term contracts with newcomers.
Abuser may manipulate a victim into emotional dependence without taking precautions should conflict occur or the need to leave arise.
Abuser may exert non-consensual control, dominance or abuse of a partners children or make demands that go against maternal or paternal responsibilities. (I.E. Restricting access to children as punishment.)
Abuser may use threats of abandonment or loss of current contract if new demands are not met.
Abusers do not respect the use of safe words and will continue even after the safe word meaning stop is said could be red or whatever.
Abuser may force the victim to do things alone, together or with others in ways that violate or compromise previous negotiations.
Abuser may use mind games and denial of human necessities like food, water, shelter as needed, health care and so forth, especially in ways that reduce a victim's self-esteem.
Abusers may resort to name calling inorder to destroy a victims since of selt-esteem. This could also be considered a kink if agreed upon if it's not agreed then it's abuse.
Abuser may threaten to expose victim or your lifestyle to 'vanilla' co-workers, family members, or children , and I know this is a hard one to swallow, but some people like this type of manipulation it's there kink if you don't it's abuse.
Abuser may initiate inappropriate or harmful punishments.
Abusers may deny a behavior is abusive and/or may minimize abuse. The abuser may also accuse you of making abuse up, not being submissive/Dominant enough, and so forth.
A BDSM relationship, especially one with sadomasochistic moments, is subject to questions all the time about its proximity to abuse. It is not uncommon to have people unfamiliar with BDSM to say that what someone does is abuse and violence. We see it all the time portrayed incorrectly in the media from whips and chains to the more brutal beating of your partner, sexual assault and beyond.
The core of BDSM is consent. No one will disagree with this, but consent goes far beyond just saying I agree.
Consent can still be considered abuse although to the public eye it wouldn't be and you always run that risk. For example if you are play with someone and they go into there head sometimes known as subspace and you renegotiate for something they didn't want it can be considered abuse.
We are all aware, hopefully, that abuse is not consensual or of informed consent.
There are many forms of abuse from physical to mental abuse. From striking someone unwanted to psychological such as name calling.
Psychological abuse is here and yet few understand the psychological abuse definition enough to spot it. Without the visible signs, psychological abuse can stay hidden for years.
Psychological abuse, though, can be just as devastating as physical abuse. Psychological abuse can affect your inner thoughts and feelings as well as exert control over your life. You may feel uncertain of the world around you and unsafe in your own home. Psychological abuse can destroy intimate relationships, friendships and even your own relationship with yourself.
Psychological abuse signs and symptoms may start small at first as the abuser "tests the waters" to see what the other person will accept, but before long the psychological abuse builds into something that can be frightening and threatening.
Physical abuse is much more common. Physical abuse happens when a person uses physical force against another person unwanted and against their agreement. Physical abuse can start slowly and inconspicuously, for example with throwing an object or a slap, and get more intense or worse over time that could lead to death in
In BDSM there is a fine line between actual BDSM and abuse If you feel that what is going on is 'not right' then you certainly should investigate if it is abuse or not
Here are a few signs of abuse
Abuser may coerce or force a victim into agreements without their full informed consent, especially long-term contracts with newcomers.
Abuser may manipulate a victim into emotional dependence without taking precautions should conflict occur or the need to leave arise.
Abuser may exert non-consensual control, dominance or abuse of a partners children or make demands that go against maternal or paternal responsibilities. (I.E. Restricting access to children as punishment.)
Abuser may use threats of abandonment or loss of current contract if new demands are not met.
Abusers do not respect the use of safe words and will continue even after the safe word meaning stop is said could be red or whatever.
Abuser may force the victim to do things alone, together or with others in ways that violate or compromise previous negotiations.
Abuser may use mind games and denial of human necessities like food, water, shelter as needed, health care and so forth, especially in ways that reduce a victim's self-esteem.
Abusers may resort to name calling inorder to destroy a victims since of selt-esteem. This could also be considered a kink if agreed upon if it's not agreed then it's abuse.
Abuser may threaten to expose victim or your lifestyle to 'vanilla' co-workers, family members, or children , and I know this is a hard one to swallow, but some people like this type of manipulation it's there kink if you don't it's abuse.
Abuser may initiate inappropriate or harmful punishments.
Abusers may deny a behavior is abusive and/or may minimize abuse. The abuser may also accuse you of making abuse up, not being submissive/Dominant enough, and so forth.