safeword
The first piece of advice that newbies to BDSM often get is to use a safeword. But the discussion about safewords often stops there. Let’s take a closer look at this often cited but poorly explained mainstay of BDSM.
In BDSM, a safeword is a code word, series of code words or other signal used by a person to communicate their physical or emotional state, typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary.
The most common explanation for why they’re necessary is because people frequently say “no” or “stop” during scenes, so a safeword is essential to know when to really stop.
How do I choose a safeword? A safeword can be temporary or permanent. This should be something that is easy to remember for all parties involved.
Many people use what’s known as the stoplight system: red means “stop everything immediately,” yellow means “slow down or change what you’re doing,” and green means “this is great; keep going.” Some people use a word like “mercy” instead of “yellow” so as not to disrupt the mood as much. The point is to pick words that will work for you and stick with them.
In cases where the participants are gagged or otherwise unable to speak, and safewords must be nonverbal. In these instances, a gesture or sound (a series of taps or grunts, for example) should be established to serve as a safeword.
Can I use “no” or “stop” as a safeword? this is a bit tricky to use. I personally advise against using “no” or “stop” as safewords because people often like to say these words while struggling or resisting in a scene and don’t mean them literally. No one should ever assume that “no” means “yes” unless told otherwise. If you know you’ll be throwing “no,” “stop,” and other similar words around during a scene, then they cannot function as safewords and you’ll need to select different words for that purpose. Be sure to discuss your approach to these words before playing.
When should I use my safeword?
a safeword can and should be used anytime the bottom, or less often the top needs to stop the scene. Common reasons people use safewords include bad pain, nausea, dizziness, feeling psychologically triggered, and so on.
If a bottom says the safeword, the top must stop immediately. Not doing so crosses the line into abuse and is a serious violation of trust. Likewise, if a top insists on not having a safeword or indicates that they won’t honor one, this is an enormous red flag. On the flip side, tops must be able to trust that a bottom will not be too shy or afraid to use a safeword when necessary. Safewords should be taken seriously by all participants.
If the safeword is permanent before doing any scene you should revisit the safeword to refresh the participants what it is. Over to.e the safeword can be forgotten and this can be a problem if I e is yelling it out but the otherbhas forgotten it.
In sum, always have a safeword at the ready even though you may never need to use it. This is just another means of safety.
In BDSM, a safeword is a code word, series of code words or other signal used by a person to communicate their physical or emotional state, typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary.
The most common explanation for why they’re necessary is because people frequently say “no” or “stop” during scenes, so a safeword is essential to know when to really stop.
How do I choose a safeword? A safeword can be temporary or permanent. This should be something that is easy to remember for all parties involved.
Many people use what’s known as the stoplight system: red means “stop everything immediately,” yellow means “slow down or change what you’re doing,” and green means “this is great; keep going.” Some people use a word like “mercy” instead of “yellow” so as not to disrupt the mood as much. The point is to pick words that will work for you and stick with them.
In cases where the participants are gagged or otherwise unable to speak, and safewords must be nonverbal. In these instances, a gesture or sound (a series of taps or grunts, for example) should be established to serve as a safeword.
Can I use “no” or “stop” as a safeword? this is a bit tricky to use. I personally advise against using “no” or “stop” as safewords because people often like to say these words while struggling or resisting in a scene and don’t mean them literally. No one should ever assume that “no” means “yes” unless told otherwise. If you know you’ll be throwing “no,” “stop,” and other similar words around during a scene, then they cannot function as safewords and you’ll need to select different words for that purpose. Be sure to discuss your approach to these words before playing.
When should I use my safeword?
a safeword can and should be used anytime the bottom, or less often the top needs to stop the scene. Common reasons people use safewords include bad pain, nausea, dizziness, feeling psychologically triggered, and so on.
If a bottom says the safeword, the top must stop immediately. Not doing so crosses the line into abuse and is a serious violation of trust. Likewise, if a top insists on not having a safeword or indicates that they won’t honor one, this is an enormous red flag. On the flip side, tops must be able to trust that a bottom will not be too shy or afraid to use a safeword when necessary. Safewords should be taken seriously by all participants.
If the safeword is permanent before doing any scene you should revisit the safeword to refresh the participants what it is. Over to.e the safeword can be forgotten and this can be a problem if I e is yelling it out but the otherbhas forgotten it.
In sum, always have a safeword at the ready even though you may never need to use it. This is just another means of safety.