Setting Limits
As a Dom or submissive, one of the first things you should be talk about before entering into a relationship is: what are your limits? In any BDSM relationship there are limits even the Dom will set for himself to not cross. This is a common misconception that people make when they say Doms have no limits.
One of the most common mistakes someone can say is You have no limits. Everyone has limits from the top to the bottom to say you do not is irresponsible. I have heard Dominants say that they don’t play with safe words or limits because they know what they are doing. How can a Dominant know if you have health issues or triggers or are just plain terrified of something unless you tell them? You have the right to protect yourself, whether you are a subscriber to Ssc (Safe, Sane, Consensual) or Rack (Risk Aware Consensual Kink).
There are two main types of limits everyone should know about hard and soft limits, but there is a third i will talk about known as temperory limits.
A hard limit is something you will not do under any circumstance. This involves anything you will not do period it could be anything from hardcore pain to age regression and anything in-between. Over time as you devolope your trust you might take a hard limit off and this is completely normal this is why it is important to communicate.
Soft limits are those that can be done under conditions being met favorable limits are those that are a yes and can be done. They can also be something you are willing to try but have not dismissed entirely as a hard limit. Some soft limits do turn into hard limits at times which is why communications is important.
There is another type of limit known as temporary limits. These are limits generally set up when you go into a play space that is not yours. It could be as simple as no sex in the play space to no whips in the play space. Temporary limits are set up at certain points and should be communicated before playing this is only for the duration of time temperory usually while you play in said space.
A true Dom under no circumstances will ever violate these limits you have set period.
How do you establish limits when you are new and don’t know all the possibilities? A potential Dominant may ask you to fill out a BDSM checklist. There are many checklists online.
Another way is a Dom may write out what he wants to do and you write out some things you want and compare. This is a very good way to do a competitive list for newbies as the Dom can them explain things to the other in great detail when stuff is unknown.
You can't have limits and still submit to your Dominant It is something that is echoed far to often. Truth is you can have limits and still be submissive it's simply a matter of communications within the relationship. Communications and letting the other know your limits will give you a much healthier relationship in the long run.
These limits (even the hard limits) are not set in stone, and you may decide to review them once in a while as you see interesting scenes at parties, or expand your risk acceptance, because as time by your limits will change as you experiences grow and your relationship thrives on. At first it might be a trust issues as time goes on you become very trusting which could trigger a change in your limits.
Never say you have no limits! Do you want to sleep in a dog crate? Are you keen on electro shock ? Would you like to be interrogated or branded? Somewhere along the line, you will encounter something that you do not want to do. For a new submissive (either new to submission or new to real life as opposed to online BDSM), I highly recommend knowing your limits and expressing them.
No matter where you are in submission, learning about, evaluating and re-evaluating your limits is a part of growth. Don’t be afraid to have limits and don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t. The more aware you are, the safer you’ll be.
What to do if limits aren’t respected
If boundaries aren’t respected it really depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Sometimes for a seemingly minor offense the Dom could be warned never to do that again. But for more major breaches of trust, submissive always has the power to terminate the relationship. And it’s always a good idea to discuss beforehand the consequences of breaking a contract.
So as you can see, limits are for the benefit of everyone involved, and are in no way restrictive. To make it easier for you, try creating a list, either by yourself or with your partner. Ultimately this will bring more pleasure and trust to the relationship.
One of the most common mistakes someone can say is You have no limits. Everyone has limits from the top to the bottom to say you do not is irresponsible. I have heard Dominants say that they don’t play with safe words or limits because they know what they are doing. How can a Dominant know if you have health issues or triggers or are just plain terrified of something unless you tell them? You have the right to protect yourself, whether you are a subscriber to Ssc (Safe, Sane, Consensual) or Rack (Risk Aware Consensual Kink).
There are two main types of limits everyone should know about hard and soft limits, but there is a third i will talk about known as temperory limits.
A hard limit is something you will not do under any circumstance. This involves anything you will not do period it could be anything from hardcore pain to age regression and anything in-between. Over time as you devolope your trust you might take a hard limit off and this is completely normal this is why it is important to communicate.
Soft limits are those that can be done under conditions being met favorable limits are those that are a yes and can be done. They can also be something you are willing to try but have not dismissed entirely as a hard limit. Some soft limits do turn into hard limits at times which is why communications is important.
There is another type of limit known as temporary limits. These are limits generally set up when you go into a play space that is not yours. It could be as simple as no sex in the play space to no whips in the play space. Temporary limits are set up at certain points and should be communicated before playing this is only for the duration of time temperory usually while you play in said space.
A true Dom under no circumstances will ever violate these limits you have set period.
How do you establish limits when you are new and don’t know all the possibilities? A potential Dominant may ask you to fill out a BDSM checklist. There are many checklists online.
Another way is a Dom may write out what he wants to do and you write out some things you want and compare. This is a very good way to do a competitive list for newbies as the Dom can them explain things to the other in great detail when stuff is unknown.
You can't have limits and still submit to your Dominant It is something that is echoed far to often. Truth is you can have limits and still be submissive it's simply a matter of communications within the relationship. Communications and letting the other know your limits will give you a much healthier relationship in the long run.
These limits (even the hard limits) are not set in stone, and you may decide to review them once in a while as you see interesting scenes at parties, or expand your risk acceptance, because as time by your limits will change as you experiences grow and your relationship thrives on. At first it might be a trust issues as time goes on you become very trusting which could trigger a change in your limits.
Never say you have no limits! Do you want to sleep in a dog crate? Are you keen on electro shock ? Would you like to be interrogated or branded? Somewhere along the line, you will encounter something that you do not want to do. For a new submissive (either new to submission or new to real life as opposed to online BDSM), I highly recommend knowing your limits and expressing them.
No matter where you are in submission, learning about, evaluating and re-evaluating your limits is a part of growth. Don’t be afraid to have limits and don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t. The more aware you are, the safer you’ll be.
What to do if limits aren’t respected
If boundaries aren’t respected it really depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Sometimes for a seemingly minor offense the Dom could be warned never to do that again. But for more major breaches of trust, submissive always has the power to terminate the relationship. And it’s always a good idea to discuss beforehand the consequences of breaking a contract.
So as you can see, limits are for the benefit of everyone involved, and are in no way restrictive. To make it easier for you, try creating a list, either by yourself or with your partner. Ultimately this will bring more pleasure and trust to the relationship.