Negoations in BDSM
Negoations are a discussion aimed at reaching an agreement in any BDSM dynamic. When negoating anything you need to be clear with what you want and do not waver.
I know for some having a voice is hard as there naturally submissive, but in the long run you need to be happy safe and sane.
Negoating a new relationship is not the same as scene negoations. The difference is the relationship will be long term while scene play can be as short as you want it or as long as you want, but is not permanent or as long-term as scene play.
Negoating a new relationship
Step 1: Determining your Roles
The first step is to establish your roles. Who is to be the Dominant, Daddy, Master, Mistress, Mommy and so on who was to be the submissive, slave, little girl, little boy or so on ? Pretty simple for some and for others it is not for some the dynamic maybe as a switch. A switch os someone with both dominate and submissive tendencies.
Step 2: Discussing Needs, Wants, & Expectations.
The second step is what I consider to be the “discovery phase" This is where you talk about your needs, wants, desires, and expectations in the relationship giving it more defining meaning.
Step 3: Establishing Rights & Responsibilities
Another important part of our BDSM negoations involves the establishment of rights and responsibilities. This is vital in understanding and respecting each of your assigned roles.
Step 4: Create Clear Limits.
This is, by far, one of the most import parts of a BDSM negotiation. Establishing clear and concise activities and limits to each activity prevents both physical and emotional injury. initially make a list of activities and write each one on a piece of paper. Then categorized each activity into three limit categories: hard, soft, and favorable. Hard limits are activities that are strictly prohibited while soft limits are those that can be done under conditions being met favorable limits are those that are a yes and can be done.
Step 5: Develop Safety Protocols
In addition to setting limits, developing and implementing safety protocols is equally important. After all, the goal for each participant is to find joy and pleasure in the BDSM relationship. You can set up two separate safety protocols: safe words and safe gestures. Safe words are code words used by a submissive to communicate their current physical and emotional state. Safe gestures replace safe words when a submissive is gagged and/or bound leaving the inability to speak.
When Negoating a scene there are many things to consider and it is different than entering into a relationship. one of them being exprence level which is a key factor in safety. It is both parties responsibility for safety in any type of bdsm dynamic so negoating is key in any type of bdsm.
Some of the things that are helpful for scene negoating.
1.Medical: probably the most important is listing all medical not only is this helpful during scene examples are I'm alergic to latex and have a bad knee as well as asthma. Any and all medical should be listed before starting anything.
People: Who will take part?
2. What type of scene will you play.
3.exprence level with this type of scene aka how many times you have done it.
4.Roles: who will play what role in the scene?
5.Place: Where will the session occur? Will it be at a club or dungeon, at a home, at a secluded area like the woods ect.
6.Time: When will the session begin and how long will it last?
7.Oops: Both parties agree that any accidents, miscommunications, etc. will be handled in a constructive manner.
8.Limits: Mainly covers the submissive's physical and emotional limits. Hard limits are ones that can not be crossed soft limits are ones that can be explored under the right conditions.
9.Sex: It's crucial to agree clearly and specifically, before beginning the session, about exactly what kind of conventional sexual contact, if any, is mutually acceptable.
10.Intoxicants: Don't play if either of you is seriously drunk or on drugs which impates judgement.
11.Equipment/ Furniture used. Will there be bondage requiring restraints will there be flogs will there be whips or flogs. All equipment that will be used should be discussed in great detail.
12.Pain: How does the submissive feel about receiving pain?
13.Marks: Will it cause the submissive problems if the session leaves marks?
14.Humiliation: This can include "verbal abuse," forced exhibitionism, water sports, enemas, slapping the face, spitting, and scat games.
15.Set up safe words or hand signals. I recommend using both especially if your going where the inability to speak is present. You could use the stop lights green for keep going I'm enjoying , yellow for danger or lighten up, and red for stop we are done. Hand signals can be if you touch someone in a certain spot meaning stop such as touching the top of the head ect you can also set up the slow down ease up touch. I recomend both in most play scenes.
16. After care: what type of after care is planned for after the scene.
17.. Set up an emergency plan of action if something goes wrong such as medical emergency ect.
18.Anything else? Is there anything else to discuss or negotiate about before beginning?
It doesn't matter if it is a relationship or scene play safety is the responsibility of both parties involved so proper negoations is needed inorder to be safe in any dynamic part of bdsm.,
I know for some having a voice is hard as there naturally submissive, but in the long run you need to be happy safe and sane.
Negoating a new relationship is not the same as scene negoations. The difference is the relationship will be long term while scene play can be as short as you want it or as long as you want, but is not permanent or as long-term as scene play.
Negoating a new relationship
Step 1: Determining your Roles
The first step is to establish your roles. Who is to be the Dominant, Daddy, Master, Mistress, Mommy and so on who was to be the submissive, slave, little girl, little boy or so on ? Pretty simple for some and for others it is not for some the dynamic maybe as a switch. A switch os someone with both dominate and submissive tendencies.
Step 2: Discussing Needs, Wants, & Expectations.
The second step is what I consider to be the “discovery phase" This is where you talk about your needs, wants, desires, and expectations in the relationship giving it more defining meaning.
Step 3: Establishing Rights & Responsibilities
Another important part of our BDSM negoations involves the establishment of rights and responsibilities. This is vital in understanding and respecting each of your assigned roles.
Step 4: Create Clear Limits.
This is, by far, one of the most import parts of a BDSM negotiation. Establishing clear and concise activities and limits to each activity prevents both physical and emotional injury. initially make a list of activities and write each one on a piece of paper. Then categorized each activity into three limit categories: hard, soft, and favorable. Hard limits are activities that are strictly prohibited while soft limits are those that can be done under conditions being met favorable limits are those that are a yes and can be done.
Step 5: Develop Safety Protocols
In addition to setting limits, developing and implementing safety protocols is equally important. After all, the goal for each participant is to find joy and pleasure in the BDSM relationship. You can set up two separate safety protocols: safe words and safe gestures. Safe words are code words used by a submissive to communicate their current physical and emotional state. Safe gestures replace safe words when a submissive is gagged and/or bound leaving the inability to speak.
When Negoating a scene there are many things to consider and it is different than entering into a relationship. one of them being exprence level which is a key factor in safety. It is both parties responsibility for safety in any type of bdsm dynamic so negoating is key in any type of bdsm.
Some of the things that are helpful for scene negoating.
1.Medical: probably the most important is listing all medical not only is this helpful during scene examples are I'm alergic to latex and have a bad knee as well as asthma. Any and all medical should be listed before starting anything.
People: Who will take part?
2. What type of scene will you play.
3.exprence level with this type of scene aka how many times you have done it.
4.Roles: who will play what role in the scene?
5.Place: Where will the session occur? Will it be at a club or dungeon, at a home, at a secluded area like the woods ect.
6.Time: When will the session begin and how long will it last?
7.Oops: Both parties agree that any accidents, miscommunications, etc. will be handled in a constructive manner.
8.Limits: Mainly covers the submissive's physical and emotional limits. Hard limits are ones that can not be crossed soft limits are ones that can be explored under the right conditions.
9.Sex: It's crucial to agree clearly and specifically, before beginning the session, about exactly what kind of conventional sexual contact, if any, is mutually acceptable.
10.Intoxicants: Don't play if either of you is seriously drunk or on drugs which impates judgement.
11.Equipment/ Furniture used. Will there be bondage requiring restraints will there be flogs will there be whips or flogs. All equipment that will be used should be discussed in great detail.
12.Pain: How does the submissive feel about receiving pain?
13.Marks: Will it cause the submissive problems if the session leaves marks?
14.Humiliation: This can include "verbal abuse," forced exhibitionism, water sports, enemas, slapping the face, spitting, and scat games.
15.Set up safe words or hand signals. I recommend using both especially if your going where the inability to speak is present. You could use the stop lights green for keep going I'm enjoying , yellow for danger or lighten up, and red for stop we are done. Hand signals can be if you touch someone in a certain spot meaning stop such as touching the top of the head ect you can also set up the slow down ease up touch. I recomend both in most play scenes.
16. After care: what type of after care is planned for after the scene.
17.. Set up an emergency plan of action if something goes wrong such as medical emergency ect.
18.Anything else? Is there anything else to discuss or negotiate about before beginning?
It doesn't matter if it is a relationship or scene play safety is the responsibility of both parties involved so proper negoations is needed inorder to be safe in any dynamic part of bdsm.,