Commonly Asked questions
What is BDSM? When most of us hear the letters "BDSM," we think of Rihanna singing about whips and chains or Fifty Shades of grey, but this is nothing of what bdsm really is.
BDSM is broken into three subcategories: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism Their are common questions always associated with BDSM
I always encourage learning first in BDSM and anything you do with it.
These are a few questions some of them reading this site you will learn about in more detail.
What does each of the letters mean?
BDSM stands for the following Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism
How do I get started?
I would start out by doing some reflecting. Let your brain run wild and If you’ve ever had fantasies about being tied up or being dominated or by having someone begging to do your bidding or being chained in a dungeon or overtaken by a sexy pirate… Then BDSM is probably for you!
Fantasy aside learn the basics of BDSM, but remember do not jump straight into a relationship when starting out or you will be branded as fake.
What do I need to practice BDSM? Is it expensive? BDSM is inexpensive ?
It’s a common misconception that in order to practice BDSM, we need to be loaded. There are many things you can do in BDSM which do not cost a lot of money. You really don’t need to spend a lot of money to get the basics, and if you’re just starting out. You can try BDSM using simple items from your home, to try it and see if it really gets you off. A simple spatial you use for every day cooking is simple and cheap, you can use a towel as a blind fold, and so much more these items are relatively cheap and inexpensive. For some it's as simple as the act of submitting or Dominating that really gets them going however the case is BDSM really doesn't have to be expensive and you don't have to have any money to start out.
Will I hurt my partner?
It’s easy to see why this would be such a common question. When you typically look up BDSM online you see a lot of porn showing pain and abuse or with 50 shades of grey people see the abuse. This typically isn't appealing for people.
If its a first time with equipment take your time
In BDSM you should always do your research before trying anything new in the world of BDSM and know the dangers. Learning and never stop that is the best way to stay safe.
You need to take steps and set up safety measures incase something should happen. Set up safewords and signals,Set up after care these simple things can stop someone from being hurt.
There are simple steps you can take to stop someone from being hurt and you should take ever percussion you can to simply not hurt anyone.
What if I’m single. Can I still practice BDSM?
Of course, you can! The great thing about the Internet is that it’s super easy to find meet-ups in your area or chat rooms online where the primary purpose is to think, talk, and practice BDSM with matched playmates, but be warned there are those who portray they are into BDSM but are fake.
Their are many places such as fetlife and others, but be warned there are a lot of fakes on these sites who do not represent those who are truly in the lifestyle.
I always say gain some knowledge first before trying BDSM basic knowledge will help you to navigate a lot of the fakes and help to keep you safer in the community.
Why is 50 Shades a bad representation of BDSM?
This is a movie and novel far from what BDSM really is.
To start, the relationship represented in 50 Shades of Grey is not a healthy one. It has all the red flags of an abusive, controlling relationship. Anastasia is a virgin, she’s taken advantage of emotionally, and manipulated into signing a contract which contains things that she doesn’t even know the details of until its too late.
BDSM portrayed is also dangerous and controlling. There is no use of safewords throughout any of their play and Christian Grey engages in absolutely no aftercare. To be blunt: BDSM does not end right after the scene is over in 50 shades of grey. This is where the emotional part of the relationship is fostered; where people are cuddled or hugged, washed or other things done called after care after it’s over.
CHRISTIAN GREY was under age when he first was introduced to BDSM by a predictor who manipulated him. The movie show predatory behavior.
BDSM is far from what this movie and novel is
Am I normal to like BDSM?
You are completly normal and not alone. Many people like BDSM and many relations have aspects of BDSM. A lot of people in vanilla relationships do not understand the acts of BDSM or how someone could be into it this is why they able you as not being normal, but if you take a typical marriage most of them have some aspects of BDSM in it.
People also often loop in how ‘normal’ they are in real life, and how they aren’t violent or sadistic people in real life. So, isn’t it weird if they like to be hit with a paddle? I understand how this can be weird for people and they can view it as not being normal. For some at times this can be a stress release or a pleasurable act to bring someone on the brink of ecstasy.
BDSM is broken into three subcategories: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism Their are common questions always associated with BDSM
I always encourage learning first in BDSM and anything you do with it.
These are a few questions some of them reading this site you will learn about in more detail.
What does each of the letters mean?
BDSM stands for the following Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism
How do I get started?
I would start out by doing some reflecting. Let your brain run wild and If you’ve ever had fantasies about being tied up or being dominated or by having someone begging to do your bidding or being chained in a dungeon or overtaken by a sexy pirate… Then BDSM is probably for you!
Fantasy aside learn the basics of BDSM, but remember do not jump straight into a relationship when starting out or you will be branded as fake.
What do I need to practice BDSM? Is it expensive? BDSM is inexpensive ?
It’s a common misconception that in order to practice BDSM, we need to be loaded. There are many things you can do in BDSM which do not cost a lot of money. You really don’t need to spend a lot of money to get the basics, and if you’re just starting out. You can try BDSM using simple items from your home, to try it and see if it really gets you off. A simple spatial you use for every day cooking is simple and cheap, you can use a towel as a blind fold, and so much more these items are relatively cheap and inexpensive. For some it's as simple as the act of submitting or Dominating that really gets them going however the case is BDSM really doesn't have to be expensive and you don't have to have any money to start out.
Will I hurt my partner?
It’s easy to see why this would be such a common question. When you typically look up BDSM online you see a lot of porn showing pain and abuse or with 50 shades of grey people see the abuse. This typically isn't appealing for people.
If its a first time with equipment take your time
In BDSM you should always do your research before trying anything new in the world of BDSM and know the dangers. Learning and never stop that is the best way to stay safe.
You need to take steps and set up safety measures incase something should happen. Set up safewords and signals,Set up after care these simple things can stop someone from being hurt.
There are simple steps you can take to stop someone from being hurt and you should take ever percussion you can to simply not hurt anyone.
What if I’m single. Can I still practice BDSM?
Of course, you can! The great thing about the Internet is that it’s super easy to find meet-ups in your area or chat rooms online where the primary purpose is to think, talk, and practice BDSM with matched playmates, but be warned there are those who portray they are into BDSM but are fake.
Their are many places such as fetlife and others, but be warned there are a lot of fakes on these sites who do not represent those who are truly in the lifestyle.
I always say gain some knowledge first before trying BDSM basic knowledge will help you to navigate a lot of the fakes and help to keep you safer in the community.
Why is 50 Shades a bad representation of BDSM?
This is a movie and novel far from what BDSM really is.
To start, the relationship represented in 50 Shades of Grey is not a healthy one. It has all the red flags of an abusive, controlling relationship. Anastasia is a virgin, she’s taken advantage of emotionally, and manipulated into signing a contract which contains things that she doesn’t even know the details of until its too late.
BDSM portrayed is also dangerous and controlling. There is no use of safewords throughout any of their play and Christian Grey engages in absolutely no aftercare. To be blunt: BDSM does not end right after the scene is over in 50 shades of grey. This is where the emotional part of the relationship is fostered; where people are cuddled or hugged, washed or other things done called after care after it’s over.
CHRISTIAN GREY was under age when he first was introduced to BDSM by a predictor who manipulated him. The movie show predatory behavior.
BDSM is far from what this movie and novel is
Am I normal to like BDSM?
You are completly normal and not alone. Many people like BDSM and many relations have aspects of BDSM. A lot of people in vanilla relationships do not understand the acts of BDSM or how someone could be into it this is why they able you as not being normal, but if you take a typical marriage most of them have some aspects of BDSM in it.
People also often loop in how ‘normal’ they are in real life, and how they aren’t violent or sadistic people in real life. So, isn’t it weird if they like to be hit with a paddle? I understand how this can be weird for people and they can view it as not being normal. For some at times this can be a stress release or a pleasurable act to bring someone on the brink of ecstasy.