Communication Within a Dom/Sub Partnership
Communication is extremely important in this scene. It is required in order to feel valued and even more importantly, to avoid confusion and mistakes (sometimes very costly ones).
Communication is the single most important aspect in BDSM. It doesn't matter if you're only into spankings by strangers or you're in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship. Nothing in BDSM should ever happen without plenty of communication first.
The philosophy that you need to tell your partner everything isn't just hype. This isn't just about building a strong relationship or finding the love of your life (although both are certainly byproducts of good communication). Speaking up and sharing details about yourself, your likes, your dislikes, what you think, and your health impact your experience in BDSM.
Both sides, top and bottom, Dominant and submissive, must be able to communicate their needs to one another. This lets you know if you're compatible. A sadist needs to know if the other person is a masochist. Before you tie someone up with rope, you should know if your partner has poor circulation or any type of anxiety when they can't move freely.
Sometimes the result of this communication is that you learn you don't want to play with that person. Sometimes the result is that you decide to do other activities together. BDSM is not a one-sided event. Two (or more) people are involved and every one should have their needs met, but no one can magically know what you need and what you want.
Put aside your concern about hurting your partner's feelings. As long as you treat the other with respect while you tell them what worked or didn't, a mature person will be able to handle it. The only way for both people to enjoy what's happening is to know what gets you off and, when something new is tried, what doesn't.
Communicate your boundaries where you will not go it os essential in any relationship to know the boundaries. The good thing about communications in bdsm, especially when you set limits, is that you can always go back later and change your mind. If you're consistently communicating with your partner, you can tell them that you've given a previous hard limit, say ball gags, further thought, and you would like to try it. Simply because you've set a limit at one point doesn't mean you can't change your mind about it later. You simply have to communicate with your partner about it.
Safewords and Control
For anyone new to the BDSM lifestyle, you might be surprised to know that bottoms and submissives have more control than you realize. A good Dominant or top will never violate a hard limit that has been communicated to them. They also won't engage in new activities until they've talked to their bottom or submissive about them, either.
Communicating boundaries and hard limits is one aspect of the control a submissive has, the other is the use of safe words. A safe word is a word or phrase that, when used, means all play should stop immediately. Some people use a color system. Green means keep going, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. Other people use words and phrases that don't make sense in the context of the scene. Pineapple, purple elephant, or rocky road ice cream, your safe word can be anything you want it to be. Make sure everyone in the scene knows it. If a submissive or bottom will be unable to verbally communicate during a scene, a hand signal of some sort should be in place.
Safe words help communicate a feeling of danger, unpleasant pain, or other feelings and sensations that mean the play or scene needs to immediately stop. Dominants and tops watch their play partners closely during a scene in order to avoid going too far or causing pain and distress. It can still happen. Using a safe word is not something to be ashamed of and no one should ever be made to feel bad for needing to use it. If a safe word is used repeatedly in scenes and other play, you need to talk to each other about what the underlying problem may be whether it's a physical pain, a fear, a worry, or a hard limit you didn't know about.
Communication is the single most important aspect in BDSM. It doesn't matter if you're only into spankings by strangers or you're in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship. Nothing in BDSM should ever happen without plenty of communication first.
The philosophy that you need to tell your partner everything isn't just hype. This isn't just about building a strong relationship or finding the love of your life (although both are certainly byproducts of good communication). Speaking up and sharing details about yourself, your likes, your dislikes, what you think, and your health impact your experience in BDSM.
Both sides, top and bottom, Dominant and submissive, must be able to communicate their needs to one another. This lets you know if you're compatible. A sadist needs to know if the other person is a masochist. Before you tie someone up with rope, you should know if your partner has poor circulation or any type of anxiety when they can't move freely.
Sometimes the result of this communication is that you learn you don't want to play with that person. Sometimes the result is that you decide to do other activities together. BDSM is not a one-sided event. Two (or more) people are involved and every one should have their needs met, but no one can magically know what you need and what you want.
Put aside your concern about hurting your partner's feelings. As long as you treat the other with respect while you tell them what worked or didn't, a mature person will be able to handle it. The only way for both people to enjoy what's happening is to know what gets you off and, when something new is tried, what doesn't.
Communicate your boundaries where you will not go it os essential in any relationship to know the boundaries. The good thing about communications in bdsm, especially when you set limits, is that you can always go back later and change your mind. If you're consistently communicating with your partner, you can tell them that you've given a previous hard limit, say ball gags, further thought, and you would like to try it. Simply because you've set a limit at one point doesn't mean you can't change your mind about it later. You simply have to communicate with your partner about it.
Safewords and Control
For anyone new to the BDSM lifestyle, you might be surprised to know that bottoms and submissives have more control than you realize. A good Dominant or top will never violate a hard limit that has been communicated to them. They also won't engage in new activities until they've talked to their bottom or submissive about them, either.
Communicating boundaries and hard limits is one aspect of the control a submissive has, the other is the use of safe words. A safe word is a word or phrase that, when used, means all play should stop immediately. Some people use a color system. Green means keep going, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. Other people use words and phrases that don't make sense in the context of the scene. Pineapple, purple elephant, or rocky road ice cream, your safe word can be anything you want it to be. Make sure everyone in the scene knows it. If a submissive or bottom will be unable to verbally communicate during a scene, a hand signal of some sort should be in place.
Safe words help communicate a feeling of danger, unpleasant pain, or other feelings and sensations that mean the play or scene needs to immediately stop. Dominants and tops watch their play partners closely during a scene in order to avoid going too far or causing pain and distress. It can still happen. Using a safe word is not something to be ashamed of and no one should ever be made to feel bad for needing to use it. If a safe word is used repeatedly in scenes and other play, you need to talk to each other about what the underlying problem may be whether it's a physical pain, a fear, a worry, or a hard limit you didn't know about.